An Open Letter to Toni Braxton on God’s Love After Abortion

Dear Toni,

Toni Braxton Signs Copies Of Her Book 'Unbreak My Heart: A Memoir'Thank you for being honest and candid in your book Unbreak My Heart.

I especially applaud you for sharing your fear that God punished you for an abortion by afflicting you with lupus and your son with autism. I hope my words may bring you some release from any lingering anxiety related to these fears.

Fear of God’s punishment after abortion is a common problem among women who choose it. We know in our hearts, as you said, we have participated in the taking of a life. Also, you are correct in saying that while you are a mom of two, you know in your heart there is a third child in your family. These are huge steps in your healing journey. I applaud you for breaking your silence to speak the secret, acknowledging your need to repair your relationship with God, and accepting the reality of the existence and intrinsic worth of your missing child.

So many women continue to justify the decision. When you appeared on The View I noticed Whoopi trying to appease your conscience with the excuse, “You weren’t ready [to parent]!” She continues to justify her own abortion past with that line of thinking. But it’s a trap which cannot satisfy the wounded conscience since it denies the worth of the child and places us above God as the One who gives and takes when it comes to life.

The fact that there is spiritual abuse in your past makes your experience that much more poignant. I too was very ignorant of the truth of God’s love toward us when I chose abortion. And financial and social pressures drove the decision in my case too. What I have learned and teach others in the aftermath is that our guilt often stands in as a way to avoid experiencing the grief we feel as mothers of lost children. The grief is so difficult to see because our culture continues to deny the worth of the unborn child. And we may even feel we don’t have a right to grieve what we ourselves destroyed. In our confusion we may come to believe that to grieve (and thus be relieved of the sorrow) might also mean to lose the one connection we feel to our missing child.

These complications all land in the envelope called guilt. And any new grief seems only to serve to compound the issue. Surely it was a moment of grief to hear your child diagnosed with autism—just as any chronic health condition is initially troubling news for any parent.

I hope you can begin to see the pain we experience as parents as grief rather than guilt. Doing so allows us to turn toward God for comfort rather than hide from Him in shame.

As to the guilt, Toni, if you believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins then I hope you can accept that your sorrow is ending soon! The punishment that brings us peace with God is upon Christ—not you nor your beautiful autistic son. By the suffering Christ endured we are healed. It is already accomplished. Just believe and you will find your peace.

I am very proud of you for not sugar-coating the truth that stands at the center of so much heartache in your life. I hope that you continue to grow in grace as you experience the truth of God’s love. He’s promised never to leave you nor forsake you. He’s welcomed into His eternal presence the children you and I rejected in this life and He’s always in prayer for us and our living children for our good.

The afflictions we and our children suffer are not God’s punishment but rather a taste of what Christ willingly took on for our sake to make us right forever with the Father of us all. As we share in that suffering we look forward to sharing in His glory. May it be so in your life and in your heart today.

Inspiration and hope for hurting hearts

If you or someone you know is experiencing grief after abortion, this would make a thoughtful and helpful gift.

Hope in the Mourning Bible

I was honored to write some of the devotions on child loss. Other devotional topics include dealing with suicide, the death of a parent, trauma, the pain of relocation to a foreign country, and more.

How to Man Up after Abortion

The reality is the majority of those “choosing” abortion today are men. Most abortion decisions are driven by men who sponsor it, pressing and paying for the procedure to be done. According to research from afterabortion.org, in 95% of cases the male partner played a central role in the decision.

At the other extreme are those men who are edged out of the decision altogether. They literally have no voice–no legal standing to override a woman’s decision. Even spousal consent laws for married fathers-to-be have been ruled unconstitutional. These men are forced into the heartbreaking role of bystander to the death of their wanted offspring.

Somewhere between these two groups lie a great number of men who suffer because they abdicated, having believed the culture’s lie that abortion is strictly a woman’s choice.

In these ways, abortion either hardens a man’s heart or leaves him heartbroken over the loss of his child(ren). But there is hope for every man who needs to know God’s love after abortion.

Someone Stronger by Kim Ketola

In Ezekiel 36:26, God says, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Someone StrongerHelping Men Take Heart after Abortion is designed to help heal the hearts of men who have been hurt by abortion. Here you will find help to meet the spiritual challenges of life after abortion. Be encouraged. We have Someone strong enough to help us in our time of need.

You can receive a free pdf copy of the e-book by providing an email address in the subscription form in the upper right corner of this page. And please be assured we will never share your information with third parties or use it for any other purpose. If you don’t wish to receive ministry updates simply unsubscribe at any time.

I offer this short book in hope that God will speak to you or the man in your life who needs it to begin to break through the pain and anger abortion brings. Please freely share this with men who need to know God’s love for them after their involvement with abortion. Restoring lost manhood–the role of leading, protecting, providing–seems to me the greatest need men face in the aftermath.

What do you think is the greatest spiritual need of men impacted by abortion?

CBA Review – Cradle My Heart a Must Read

The Christian Booksellers Association featured Cradle My Heart in the August issue of Retailers + Resources magazine.

Cradle My Heart Finding God's Love After Abortion by Kim KetolaAnd reviewer Ruth O’Neil said the book is “a must-read.”

For the one who’s had an abortion, this book can help them realize that God still loves them and that there’s no sin that’s unforgivable. God’s waiting with open arms. This book is a must read for those who have struggled by the loss of abortion. While the Bible doesn’t specifically speak of abortion, Ketola modernizes biblical stories of hope, healing, and forgiveness in Christ.

I’m also grateful that my article “Listening to Abortion” appears in the same issue. It tells the story of a time when I disclosed my abortion in my Bible study group at church and heard from several other women who had been suffering in isolation and pain after abortion. I hope this review and article will open our eyes to the need for help and care–the mission field–that exists within the church.

The digital version of the magazine is not yet posted online, but pdf pages are linked here: CBA Review 1 and CBA Review 2, and the article here: Listening to Abortion 1 and Listening to Abortion 2.

In the meantime, if you don’t find the book in your local store–ask for a copy–or simply order online. Yes, Amazon has it for Kindle too!